


kisses

by heartbeat_skipping



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:55:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21694222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbeat_skipping/pseuds/heartbeat_skipping
Summary: alina visits the darkling
Relationships: Alarkling, Alina/Darkling, Darklina
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	kisses

In my chambers that night it came to me. How to find the bird, where the bird was - everything was coming together. I got up, shocked by my discovery. I didn’t know where I was going until I found myself outside The Darkling’s chambers. Some part of me wanted to keep this discovery to myself, why should I tell him, my sworn enemy, my plans. But I also knew that I needed to tell him. Now that he thought I trusted him. I knocked softly and a few seconds later, The Darkling opened the door. His hair was tousled and ruff from sleeping and he wore a confused expression on his face.

“Alina?” he asked softly. 

“I hope I didn’t disturb you but I have something urgent to show you.” He nodded tersely, taking me seriously. Good. He opened the door to let me in and then closed it behind me. Quickly, he turned his lamp on and we sat across each other on the table at the end of his room. I spread out the map and began to show him what I had found. As my hand traced the paper, his palm brushed across mine as he took in what I was saying. I ignored the rush I felt when our skin touched briefly. 

“So that’s where we need to go.” I finished. 

The Darkling nodded, considering. Then, “We leave tomorrow.”

I got up, making my way to leave. “I hope that’s all.”

The Darkling caught my wrist just as I was about to slip away. “No.” he said fiercely “That is not all.” He stood up quickly, then circles his arms around my waist. His face is dangerously to mine. I stay rooted to the spot in fear. Then I speak.

“You know...when you came. To my room, on the fold...how did you do it?” 

The Darkling smiles. “Oh yes, that. Did you enjoy my visits?”

I hate that he’s ignored my question so easily but I have no idea how to answer. “No.” I say angrily. 

“That’s not what it seemed like.” The Darkling said smugly. Then he looks right in my eyes and I cannot look away. His arms hold me steady. “Tell me the truth Alina.” and his mask finally falls away. Ever since I met the Darkling I have seen every calculated move and emotion and action. But now, it feels like he’s revealing himself to me and this time I don’t think he’s planned it. The thought scares me. Moonlight cast on half his face making his eyes gleam. I am dumbstruck by how handsome he is. Tell me the truth. And he has shown himself. So I must.

So I squeeze my eyes shut and I let my emotions spill out. I have coiled them tight for so long, made myself hate The Darkling but I know deep down inside where my heart truly lies. “I... I was scared at first. On the Fold. I didn’t expect you to be there...And I lost control. When Mal was there in my room, that night, and I saw you, I was scared too. But then...when you comforted me, when you kissed me, it was like everything was alright.” I don’t meet The Darkling’s eyes as I tell him. He doesn’t deserve that. I told him how I felt. That’s it. 

The Darkling brings his fingers to the nape of my neck and rests them there. “You don’t have to be ashamed Alina.” I hesitate. This is not how it should be. I should not be with the Darkling in the middle of the night as he holds me. I should be with Mal, having fun, laughing, smiling. Then the Darkling lets go of me and leads me to the edge of his bed. 

“I want to show you something.” His brings out a photo phrame and the picture is of him and Baghra, smiling. “T...that;s you?” I ask confused. He smiles, “Funny isn’t it?” 

“You look happy.” I say simply.   
The Darkling frowns. “Is that something new to you?”  
“Yes.”  
“Alina when I’m with you, nothing could make me happier.”  
I stand up, angry.  
“Stop it. Stop mocking me. Stop acting like you love me when you never could.” The Darkling looks I’ve slapped him. Every move is calculated, he’s just trying to manipulate me. 

“Why do you think I’m lying?” he says quietly. 

And I think about it. Really think about it.

The Darkling has only ever lied to me to get me to do something. But with the last piece in place, he doesn’t need to. 

“How am I supposed to know? You always have some secret plans up your sleeve and then you end up tricking me all over again. I’m not falling for it again.” Then he looks at me and I’m rooted in place again and I cannot breathe and I cannot move.

The Darkling stands up and comes to me, slowly, tentatively. “Do you love the tracker?” the words fall out my mouth “no.”   
“Then why do you insist on kissing him? Acting as if you love him like that?”  
“Because he needs me” I whisper. Mal needs me to be more than a friend and i give him that because I've known him forever.  
“It’s time to let go of what other people want for you Alina. You must do what you heart wants.”

“But how do I know what I want is real? How do I know the person I love doesn’t secretly hate me”

The Darkling pauses “What would make you trust this person?”

I’m done holding back. I’m done not doing what I want. And I do not care if he is evil and his intentions are not true, I tilt my head up towards him and he kisses me, slowly. “Stay with me,” he breathes as he leads to me to his bed and we fall onto the mattress beneath us. “I thought wanting made people weak.”

“I was wrong. You make me powerful.” And he kisses me through the night, he holds me, he loves me. We do nothing more than kiss and where the moon fades away, we sleep in each other’s arms and I try not to hate myself for it.

When I wake up in the morning, all sense returns to me. I slept with The Darkling. The man who has murdered innocents, who wants to spread evil. What have I done? I think of Mal who just wants to me to be happy. I gather my clothes around me and scurry out of the bed. The Darkling stirs. 

“Alina?” he says and something in his voice makes me want to stay here forever. Then he laughs when he sees me worried and fleeing. “No one enters my chambers you know”

“It’s not that. Last night was a-”

“A mistake?” He tilts his head. Then he walks up to me and presses his lips to mine. He trials down to my jaw, my neck, down to my chest. “Are you telling me this was a mistake?” But I cannot tell him that. I have never enjoyed something more than this.

“Tell me why you kiss the tracker whenever you please and then kiss me in the dark corners of the night. Are you ashamed Alina? There is no need to be. It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks when you have me.”


End file.
